Single parents, have you ever had this happened to you?
Ok, so I’m a widower who been raising 3 little boys. Anyways so recently, for my oldest son who is in Kindergarten at the moment, they had a parent teacher conferences. Now my son was not a problem, but some of the other parents waiting around me were. They asked me wher my wife was and I didn’t feel comfortable telling them, so then they figured I was a single parent. Some of them then started giving me parenting advice and started telling me how to raise my sons and then they gave me statistics about children raised in single parents homes. Has this ever happened to you?
I was quite irritated by their reaction.
Tagged with: kindergarten • little boys • parent teacher conferences • parenting advice • Single Parent • single parents • Statistics • widower
Filed under: single parent holidays
Hi Daniel, firstly, commiserations on the loss of your wife, who will be missed by all of you.
People, for whatever reason, seem to take what is the probable answer, and try and offer advice, not actually knowing the truth.
What , I believe, has happened here is that with the growing numbers of single parent families, unfortunately, these people have taken the natural assumption, not thinking that you may well have lost your partner through her passing on.
I can understand your discomfort, but unfortunately, there are people out there who take pleasure in being nasty, whilst others who are nasty, probably without realising it.
Seeing a father on his own, at something that I think is more something that mother’s tend to take care of because of work commitments of their husband’s , people have got hold of the wrong end of the stick.
With the parenting advice, I don’t think it was malicious, but people trying to genuinely offer advice, which although decent of them, with the fairly recent passing of your wife, was hard for you.
There are timers when life kicks you in the balls, times when people are there to help, and unfortunately, times when people can make it worse through ignorance.
The most important thing is that you continue to care for the kids, that’s the way to prove them all wrong.
Good luck,
Mike t
Maybe they were just trying to help.
Did they give you any rude advice ?
so sorry for your loss. people nowadays in most situations are idiots and don’t realize how hurtful they are.
when someone asks you though be honest and tell them your wife is deceased and they will probably be more thoughtful with their words.
God bless u and your sons.
That does sound very irritating. Many people probably assume that, being a man, you are less prepared than a single mother would be.
I’d suggest just being honest with them and telling them you can do a fine job by yourself!
dude, ignore them as long as you know you are doing your best it doesnt matter what they think
People in general are just ignorant at times! Next time tell them that if they like giving advise they should log onto Yahoo Answers!!!
I am a single dad of three adopted boys (ages 16yo, 2 1/2yo and 18mo). I get it all the time from mothers who just cant seem to understand that Dads are just as capable as moms at taking care of children. I try as much as possible to develop a sense of humor towards other peoples lack of tact and knowledge about single dads.
As for the "where’s your wife?" question, you can just answer, "I’m a single dad. Just us men in our house." Then either change the subject or walk away.
May I also suggest that you try to find a Dad’s group or Single Parent group in your area that may be a wealth of knowledge and support for you. I have found I can never have enough friends or support.
You have every right to be irritated by these people! This has never happened to me but I am sorry it has happened to you. Keep your head up and don’t let them get to you.
just tell them the truth they will back away it has happend to me but in my case i was in an abusive relationship. My baby is now two so i dont have to deal with the school problems yet. It does get very annoying when people ask and ask over and over again. Im sorry
i was a single parent for three years and i use to get the same thing. i think i got it because i was so young and people thought that i couldnt do it on my own. people dont realize that its not only hurtful to some but its also rude at times. i have two little boys of my own and my family, friends and myself agree that i have done a fine job raising my kids. i now have recently married and now have help, but i still get comments when i am out. its never ending. if you know you are doing a good job with your kids dont worry about what other people have to say. alot of the times they are the ones with the kids that are trouble makers not single parent kids. good luck to you and so sorry about your loss.
Sorry to hear about your wife.I am widow and I kind know how you feel. I guess they expect to see a single mother but not a single father. You might have to let them know so that you can avoid giving you their parenting classes. And again I am sorry.. I have a 11 year old son and he is wonderful but he wants and needs a man in his life. He misses his father. Good luck.
I wonder how many of them were single moms.
It’s only been recently that courts have not automatically awarded custody to the mother no matter what the circumstance were, and that more and more families have a stay-at-home dad and working mom, and that there has been a significant number of bachelor dads. You shouldn’t expect instant acceptance. Old paradigms are hard to die.
Just keep smiling, even if through gritted teeth! And God bless.
WOW! I’ve never had anyone try to just randomly start giving me advice cause I was a single mother. And the nerve of those people to try & tell you statistics on children that are raised by a single parent! Some people just have not couth! I would have been extremely angry with that conversation.
All I can say is that I’m very sorry for your loss of your wife and as long as you try your best to be the best dad you can be that’s all your sons can ask for. They will notice when they are older all the things that you have done for them. Its all you can do.
Yes it has happened to me – I have been a single parent for 16 years. Some people think they know everything. They have NO idea.
I would be irritated too. I go out a lot with my little brothers and sister and there friends, and I get the same thing, people think I’m a young single mom and start telling me how to treat them, and what to do (and i get the stink eye from people too). Then i get the same thing, "well the boys need a dad in the house" OH! What drives me even crazier is my group is behaving fine playing or what ever but there’s is screaming, interrupting and being horrible. Some people are just like that, the only thing you can do is say "thank you" and walk away.
Well My mom is a single parent,
and that happened to her alot.
I also got the rep as "the bad kid"
from my teachers,
and I was a good kid.
They just asumed that I wasn’t raised well.
But when I got older I started actually being "the bad kiid"
but i’m better now.
Oh yeah, I’m a single mom and I’ve heard it all. You really have to just take it with a grain of salt, people are so rude sometimes. Being a single parent is hard enough without everyone assuming you don’t know what you’re doing and rattling off statistics as if you need to hear them. A lot of single moms and dads are even BETTER parents than couples. If someone tries to preach to me about it I usually cut them off and say "My son is a very happy and healthy kid but thanks for your concern." and walk away. I never realized there was still such a strong stigma against single parents until I became one. You just have to brush it off though, it doesn’t matter what they say. I know I’m doing a great job and I’m sure you are too. =]
just give them parent advice and tell them whats wrong with there parenting skills then they will stop I am almost certain.