Single Mom’s – Is it your responsibility or just being nice?
This is to those single parents who do NOT have a deadbeat Mom/Dad. But a good mother/father who pays child support, who calls regularly, etc.
My husband’s ex gf whom he has a 6 yr old with just pisses me off like no tomorrow. First off, we live 5 hrs away so we’re not close enough to just pop in all the time.
My husband woke up on Father’s Day and wanted to call his ex gf to speak to his daughter. We talked about it, and being that it was 10 am, we both knew both of them were still sleeping because well, they stay up late and sleep late.
So I kinda told him to give his ex the benefit of the doubt that she would call for my stepdaughter and say Happy Father’s Day. Well it was now 5 pm, no call, so he went ahead and called her. She didn’t answer, her mailbox was full, so he sent her a little text saying, “Please have X call me”.
She didn’t call back until 10 pm. By this time, his daughter was overtired and not really paying much attention on the phone. She said Happy Father’s Day, he told her he loved her, and that was it.
So my question is: When you have a child who is too young to call for themselves, do you feel it’s your responsibility to pick up and call during “holidays” like this? Or do you feel that you owe nothing to them, and if you DO call, you’re just doing it to be nice?
I’m curious how others feel about this.
Thanks!
Xoxoxo – my husband is my husband and if he is upset about something and needs to talk about it, I’m here to listen. I don’t get involved in anything. I have an opinion on it, but I don’t get involved.
On “real” holidays, we’re there to visit her. But we were already there last month and we’re trying to make trips down there once every two months. We would do it more often, but it costs us quite a bit in gas and food to make it there so frequently. So we do what we can.
I thought that ALL parents felt the same way. To put yourself in their shoes. Gee, how would YOU feel as a father, missing your child and not getting a call? And how would it feel as a mother, on Mother’s Day, to not get to talk to your child or see your child? It’d suck. I mean, it IS the day you think about your kids because the day is about you being a parent.
I guess I figured it was common sense/common courtesy/the right thing to do. But maybe that’s cuz I’ve always put the kids first before my feelings. Unlike many others….
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Tagged with: benefit of the doubt • child support • Deadbeat Dad • deadbeat mom • ex gf • Father Day • Father S Day • gas and food • good mother • Happy Day • Holidays • mom dad • mother father • Pop • shoes • Single Mom • single parents • sleep • stepdaughter
Filed under: single parent holidays
With my Husband’s ex (and i know I talk TOO much about her!) her "fostering of affection" between the father and their child was actually a stipulation of the divorce proceedings. Let’s just say the judge assessed her and her (insert foul word here) nature, and saw the need to lay down said law in her case.
Of course, she only respected stipulations when they benefited her.
So, it just didn’t happen.
Myself, my ex was a friend of the family, and was always included in everything, having to do with his daughter, even with us. And I did that way because I respected HIM, as a friend AND as the father of our daughter.
My son is only 4. But I will dial his Dad’s number, give him the phone and tell him it’s fathers day… or daddy’s birthday or whatever, and I have him tell him. he never does the same for me if my kids happen to be with him on a certain holiday. But i guess I just do it because I know my son likes it.
I think that is between your man and his ex, not you.
In that situation, I don’t feel the ex should’ve been obligated to call on his daughter’s behalf. Even he and the ex remained friends and now all you guys had become friends, it would’ve been nice for her to call but she wouldn’t be obligated to. Father’s day/Mother’s day (I feel) should be celebrated by the children and when the husband/wife does something on their behalf, it’s always about being nice.
If I were in your position, or rather in your husband’s position, I wouldn’t expect anything for Father’s day right now. Once his daughter is old enough to be mindful of it herself, is when he should expect to be recognized by her. At that point, if she wanted her mother to help her do something special for her daddy, is when I would expect her to do something because then its not for her ex but for her child.
i think she should have had her call sooner. if the child is too young to use the phone by herself then the mother should have just dialed the number and handed the phone to her daughter. if your husband is a big part in his child’s life then it is right thing to do to call on father’s day and his birthday. however other holidays like christmas and easter your husband should call her. the parents should always be the first to wish a child merry christmas.
I am not exactly what you asked for. My kid’s dad is not very involved. But he does come around every now and then. And he is her dad. Without him, there would be no her. I do feel that it’s my responsibility to help my daughter keep in touch with her dad on holidays and stuff. Before she could talk on the phone, I would do the talking for her. Now that she is 6, it is kind of a team effort. (I help make sure she asks about the right day and stuff.)
I guess it falls somewhere between feeling like it’s my responsibility and feeling like it’s just "nice". He is every bit as capable of using a phone as I am. But I know that he gets side tracked and stuff, so I take it upon myself to remember to make sure the calls are made.
Those little things like that can really rile a person and then the ex who is causing it just got the power.
While I think 6 year olds need reminding about Fathers Day and things like that, its the moms job to make sure the kid knows so i suppose the ex is either forgetful or trying to rile things up.
A missed call is a minor thing. Basically if I were your hubby, I would call whenever I wanted to, whether i think they are sleeping or not. When the ex answers, crabby or not, I would be sickeningly cheerful, chat for a few minutes to the kid, also cheerfull while reminding the kid "I just called since its Fathers day and I am so darn glad I am your father!" That takes the power away from the ex , your hubby was cheerful no angry words, etc and the kid knows daddy loves him and thinks about him.
In the end it is the adults responsibility, either adult in the kids life.
You know it is one of those things that no it is not her "responsibility" but it really would be nice for her to be a good mother and encourage her daughter to call (call for her) on Father’s day. I would imagine that mom would be very upset if Dad didn’t make sure to have the little girl call should he have visitation on Mother’s day.
The problem is people don’t get that when they split that you should do those little things to help show the children that mommy and daddy still can get along even if they are not together. The little things create respect but it seems that she isn’t interested in that.
I think it’s important when the ex’s get along (read: talk at all) to do the phone calls and cards for the important moments.
I make sure my daughter sees or talks to her dad on the holidays and we even spent the morning with him yesterday. I made that happen, not him, I did it for her benefit