Understanding a teen.

It’s not unusual that a parent will wonder where they went wrong with raising their teenager. The child who used to listen to you now has a mind of his or her own and dares to point out that you are wrong and that he or she is right. A parent would notice a big change in his or her child behaved, during the teenage years of your son or daughter.

The word teen is derived from the old English word ‘teona’ which means anger and grief. For both the parent and teenager, the teen years can be painful. The teen years are between the ages of thirteen to nineteen years and hence understanding why and how a teenager behaves will go a long way in helping a parent forge a relationship with his or her son or daughter.

Although a teenager has not yet earned the freedom of adulthood, he or she has lost the privileges of childhood. Going from 13 to 30 the teenager will find all the adult activities appealing, such as smoking, marrying, having sex, voting, prohibited drugs or even enlisting in the army. Whether he or she wants, It’s important for your teen to complete school. Relationships between adults and teenagers usually last as long as a teenager is financially dependent on his or her parents.

A teenager needs parents who can recognize that he or she is changing into an adult. Through this difficult time of growth, parents who will patiently understand, rather than overreact to the attitudes and behaviors of their teen child.

I realize that most parents wonder if it is okay for a teenager to be rebellious. A teenager who rebells will reject authority control or resistance. It is very okay for a teen child to rebel. Through rebellion the teenager cries out for recognition of his or her individuality. Your teen may act like they no longer want you to consider him or her as your property, but nonetheless he or she remains the responsibility of the parent. Normal and abnormal – There are two types of rebellion.

Nancy Van Pelt, author of the book ‘Train up a Child’, says that normal rebellion will always lead an adolescent to a mature life. She adds, this constructive time period will assist in shedding childish ways and developing independence in your teenager. One should always remember that the teenager remains a novice in coping with his or her own feelings as well as coping with a parent’s feelings and reactions. A teenager always has vast mood swings which a parent should learn to adjust to. What would be consider as the normal phases of rebellion you may expect your teenager to challenge your authority by questioning religion, rejecting long-established family values, changing his or her normal style of wearing clothes and the music he or she listens to, talking back to you, arguing with you, testing rules and curfews. The parent will be able to work out a relationship with his or her child, If a parent shows patience while his or her child is finding himself or herself.

Abnormal rebellion within the family with all the constant battles over the car, dates, friends, curfews, rules or money can take thier toll. If it is not controlled this type of rebellion can take a youngster out of the mainstream of life. Rebellion becomes abnormal when a teenager refuses to abide by reasonable household rules,  habitually experiments with alcohol, drugs and/or sex, ignores curfews or repeatedly brushes with the law. Abnormal rebellion involves a total refusal to cooperate in family or social responsibilities. It can set a precedent that younger siblings may follow. A parent should be able to acquire help on the principles that may help him or her to guide his or her teenager through this demanding period. All parents should learn to communicate and set limits for their teenagers so as to be able to go through the terrible teen years successfully.

With practice, parents can learn to understand teenagers it may not prove to be as difficult as you expect. For more teenager advice head to ParentingQnA.com

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Will you be with your child for Christmas/Put your holiday here? Will the other parent see them? Anyone sharing the holiday together? Do you still see the ex inlaws? What’s your plan? Think there will be drama?

Most of you know I’ve been single since pregnancy after ending a 7 year relationship, but it is important for me to share the big events with her father, as I won’t give them up. So, I’ve invited Bella’s father to spend the night Christmas Eve (not with me, with the futon), so he can share the experiance when she wakes up Christmas morning and do the present thing. Then his family has invited all of us to their house for their big brunch. We’ll probably be there till afternoon when we have to go back to my place and start dinner, for assorted friends and family, he’ll join us for that too. My parents do Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day (they like to relax), so they aren’t getting left out. I expect it to be drama free as we’re fine, we just bicker occasionally now. Oo0oh except for his grandmother…She’ll give me grief but I think I can take her. lol.

Everyone else- What are you doing?
For a better 2009- I’m so sorry for your loss. She’s 18 months, so she grasps that Daddy doesn’t live here, he visits. I do understand the sleeping over thing could be an issue in the future hopefully she’ll think of it as a slumber party, anyhow we’ll jump off that bridge when we come to it.
Michelle- I totally understand. It’s all about what’s best for our babies. It hasn’t been easy to get to this point. He had to kick a major painkiller addiction (from a serious accident around the time we conceived) before I would give him such an honor. Not to mention the constant talks we have regarding what’s appropriate, how to treat me an her, what he can say (no swearing, no fighting), no drinking before coming to see us, etc. It’s been a TON of work to get here, I’m just hard-headed.